How to Find the Right Birth Worker for You

I’ve been a midwife for over 30 years now. I’ve attended over a thousand births. And if there’s one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty, it’s this:

The person standing beside you during birth will shape your entire experience.

Not the hospital you choose. Not the playlist you make. Not the birth plan you write. Those things matter. But nothing matters more than the human being who is holding space for you in your most vulnerable, powerful, raw moment.

The right birth worker makes you feel safe. The wrong one makes you feel like a patient on a conveyor belt.

So how do you find the right one? Let me walk you through it.

First, Know Who’s Out There

The term “birth worker” covers a lot of ground. Here are the main people you might consider having on your team:

Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM): A registered nurse with a master’s degree in midwifery. Licensed in all 50 states. Can practice in hospitals, birth centers, and homes. This is what I am.

Certified Professional Midwife (CPM): Trained through an apprenticeship model. Licensing varies by state. Primarily practices in homes and birth centers.

Doula: A trained birth companion who provides emotional, physical, and informational support. A doula does not deliver babies or perform clinical tasks. She is your advocate and your anchor.

Obstetrician (OB/GYN): A physician specializing in pregnancy and birth. Trained in the medical model. Practices in hospitals.

Each of these professionals brings something different. And your choice will depend on what kind of birth you want, where you want to have it, and what kind of support feels right for you.

Check Your State’s Requirements

This is important and most people skip it.

Midwifery laws vary dramatically from state to state. In some states, CPMs are fully licensed and regulated. In others, they are practicing in a legal gray area. And in a few, practicing as a CPM without a nursing license can result in criminal charges.

I’ve seen the consequences of this firsthand. I’ve seen a transfer come into a hospital where the midwife was hiding because she was afraid of being reported. She brought no chart. No documentation. Because her practice wasn’t legal in that state. And the mother and baby paid the price of that fear.

Before you choose a midwife, please do the following:

Look up your state’s midwifery laws. The American College of Nurse-Midwives (ACNM) and the Midwives Alliance of North America (MANA) both have resources that break this down state by state.

Ask your midwife directly: Are you licensed in this state? What certifications do you hold? Are you required to carry liability insurance?

If your midwife hesitates or gets defensive about these questions, that tells you something. A confident, qualified birth worker will be transparent about their credentials without flinching.

The Questions You Should Be Asking

When you meet with a potential birth worker, whether it’s a midwife, OB, or doula, treat it like an interview. Because it is one. You are hiring someone for the most important job of your life.

Here are the questions I wish every mama would ask:

1. What is your cesarean rate?
If they don’t know or won’t tell you, that’s a red flag. My cesarean rate is 5%. A hospital midwife should ideally be at 10% or less. Most OBs are significantly higher.

2. What is your induction rate?
High induction rates often signal a provider who intervenes early and often. Ask them why and when they recommend induction.

3. What is your philosophy on birth?
Do they see birth as a normal physiologic process or a medical event that needs to be managed? There is no wrong answer here, but you need to know if their philosophy matches yours.

4. How do you handle emergencies?
You want someone who is calm, experienced, and has clear protocols. Ask them to walk you through what happens if something unexpected arises.

5. Will you be at my birth or could it be someone else?
In many hospital practices, the provider on call delivers your baby. That might be someone you’ve never met. Know this before you’re in labor.

6. How do you support physiologic birth?
Do they encourage movement, eating, intermittent monitoring? Or do they default to continuous monitoring, IV lines, and bed rest? These details matter more than most people realize.

7. What happens if I go past my due date?
First-time mamas often go at least a week past their due date. That’s normal. But many providers will push for induction the moment you hit 40 weeks. You deserve a provider who trusts the process when you and baby are healthy.

8. How do you feel about birth plans?
If they roll their eyes or dismiss them, walk away. A birth plan is not a demand. It’s a conversation. And a good provider welcomes it.

9. Can I say no to an intervention?
The answer is always yes. You have legal autonomy over your body. But you want a provider who respects that without making you fight for it.

10. What postpartum support do you offer?
Birth doesn’t end when the baby arrives. The first week postpartum is one of the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life. Ask what support looks like after you go home.

Please Don’t Settle

I need you to hear this.

You do not have to stay with a provider who makes you feel rushed. You do not have to stay with someone who dismisses your questions. You do not have to stay with someone who makes you feel small or scared or like your concerns don’t matter.

I have watched too many women stay with a provider they didn’t trust because they felt like it was too late to switch. It is almost never too late. I’ve had mamas switch to me at 36 weeks. At 38 weeks. Even later. And every single one of them said the same thing afterward: “I wish I had done it sooner.”

Your gut knows. If something feels off during your prenatal appointments, if you leave feeling more anxious instead of more confident, if your questions are met with impatience or condescension, that is your body telling you this is not the right fit.

Listen to it.

You deserve a birth worker who makes you feel held, heard, and honored. Someone who treats your birth as the sacred, powerful experience it is. Someone who respects your body, your instincts, and your right to make decisions about your own care.

That person exists. Keep looking until you find them.

A Few More Things Worth Knowing

You can have both a midwife and a doula.
In fact, I recommend it, especially for hospital births. Your midwife handles the clinical care. Your doula handles you. Having both means you are never without an advocate in the room.

Interview more than one.
Most midwives and doulas offer free consultations. Take advantage of this. Meet two or three. Notice how your body feels in each conversation. The right person will make your shoulders drop.

Ask other mamas.
Word of mouth is still the most powerful tool. Ask women in your community who they loved. Ask who they would hire again in a heartbeat. And ask who they wouldn’t.

Trust matters more than credentials.
I say this as someone with a lot of credentials. A wall full of degrees means nothing if you don’t feel safe with that person. The best birth worker for you is the one who makes you feel like you can do this.

Finding the right birth worker is one of the most important decisions you will make during your pregnancy. Take your time. Ask the hard questions. And please, do not settle for someone who doesn’t feel right just because it’s convenient.

You are not being difficult. You are being a mother. And that starts right now, before your baby is even here, by choosing the people who will stand beside you when it matters most.

I’m rooting for you.

With care,
Anne 🩷

Your Birth Experience Matters (Not Just a Healthy Baby)

The myth I hear most often from pregnant women is this: I just want a healthy baby. That's all that matters.

I understand why women say this.

It comes from love. It comes from fear. It comes from a culture that has spent decades teaching us that our experience does not count as long as the baby is fine.

But here is what I know after 30 years as a midwife:

How you feel about your birth matters.

Your experience matters.

The way you were treated matters.

A healthy baby is the goal AND a woman deserves to feel respected, informed, and powerful in her birth.

These are not competing ideas. You are allowed to care about both.

Why Your Experience Matters

Birth is one of the most profound moments of a woman's life.

Not because it has to be perfect. Not because it has to go according to plan.

But because in that space, whether it is a quiet bedroom or a bright hospital room, something ancient and powerful is happening.

A woman is discovering what she is made of.

I have been privileged to witness that discovery thousands of times. And what I know without any doubt is this: how a woman is treated in that moment matters deeply.

The words spoken to her matter.

The hands that support her matter.

Whether she feels informed, respected, and seen—that matters.

Birth shapes women. It shapes families. It echoes forward. The experience you have during birth does not disappear when the baby arrives. It stays with you.

You will remember who believed in your body when you doubted it. You will remember who protected your space and who intruded on it. You will remember whether you felt informed or blindsided.

That is why preparation matters so much.

Information Is Not the Same as Preparation

One of the things I tell every pregnant woman is this: information is not the same as preparation.

You can read every book and still feel unprepared.

Real preparation is emotional, mental, and physical—not just intellectual.

It is about understanding what your body is doing and why. It is about practicing nervous system regulation before labor begins. It is about clarifying your partner's role in advance. It is about having language ready for advocacy.

It is about knowing what you do not want as clearly as what you do want.

Getting honest about your fears is where real birth preparation begins.

The People in Your Birth Room Shape Your Experience

One of the most important decisions you will make during pregnancy is who you allow in your birth room.

The people present shape your experience profoundly.

Energy matters. Presence matters. Who you allow in that room matters.

If you are working with a provider and something feels off at 32 weeks, it is not too late to make a change. You have time. And you deserve to feel right about who will be in that room with you.

Whether you choose a midwife, an OB, a doula, or a combination of support, what matters is that you feel seen, respected, and safe.

Midwifery Care: What It Actually Looks Like

Most people do not know what midwifery care actually looks like.

A midwife is not just someone who delivers babies at home. Midwifery is a complete model of care—prenatal, birth, and postpartum—built around relationship, continuity, and informed choice.

In prenatal care, a midwife spends time with you. Not seven minutes. Time. Getting to know your health history, your fears, your goals, your family, your life. That relationship is part of the care.

During labor, a midwife stays. There are no shift changes. No handing off to someone you have never met. The person who has walked through pregnancy with you is there for the birth.

A midwife monitors you and your baby throughout labor—heart tones, blood pressure, progress—while also supporting you emotionally and physically. Clinical skill and human presence. Both. At the same time.

After the birth, a midwife continues care. Newborn exams, postpartum visits, breastfeeding support, your physical and emotional recovery. The care does not end when the baby arrives.

This is what midwifery offers. Continuity. Relationship. Presence.

Home Birth vs Hospital Birth: What Nobody Tells You

One of the most nuanced conversations in birth preparation is home birth versus hospital birth.

The conversation deserves more honesty than it usually gets. Both have real benefits. Both have real tradeoffs.

Home birth is not inherently dangerous for low-risk pregnancies. Multiple studies show that for healthy women with skilled attendants, planned home birth outcomes are comparable to hospital birth. This is not fringe information. It is published research.

Hospital birth is not inherently safer for low-risk pregnancies. Interventions have their own risks. The hospital environment affects how labor progresses. Safety is not a one-size-fits-all calculation.

What home birth offers:
Familiar environment. Freedom of movement. Your own food, your own space, your own bed after. Continuity of care with a provider who knows you. No shift changes. No strangers in the room.

What hospital birth offers:
Immediate access to surgical intervention if needed. Neonatal intensive care if needed. An epidural if that is what you want. These are real benefits for women who need or want them.

The question is not which is better.

The question is: what do YOU need to feel safe, supported, and empowered in your birth?

That answer is different for every woman. And it deserves a real, honest conversation—not a default.

Postpartum Deserves Preparation Too

The postpartum period deserves as much preparation as the birth.

Most families focus entirely on labor and then feel blindsided by the weeks after.

Prepare your home. Prepare your support system. Prepare your expectations.

Who is bringing food? Who is helping with older kids? Who can you call at 2am?

Set this up now while you have the energy to organize it.

Stock your recovery supplies. Peri bottle, ice packs, comfortable clothing, sitz bath. Your postpartum body needs care. Have what it needs ready before labor starts.

The weeks after birth are as important as the birth itself.

What Preparation Actually Does

Preparation does not guarantee a perfect birth.

It gives you the tools to meet your birth—whatever it looks like—with confidence.

I think about Brittany, one of my students who was living in Nicaragua when she went into labor. She had no midwife available. She used the Love Your Birth course to prepare for her home waterbirth—and she did it.

Her words: Because of it I was able to do a home waterbirth in Nicaragua. Your course helped me through it. Thank you again for the knowledge I was able to achieve online.

You do not have to be in Nicaragua for this to matter.

Whether you are planning a home birth, a hospital birth, or something in between—being truly prepared changes everything.

You Are More Capable Than You Have Been Led to Believe

If I could sit with every pregnant woman before her due date, I would tell her this:

You are more capable than you have been led to believe.

Birth culture in this country has spent decades teaching women to be afraid of their own bodies.

You were designed for this. That is not a cliche. It is biology.

Your body knows how to birth. Education does not teach your body what to do. It helps you trust what your body already knows.

The Work of Showing Up Prepared

I received a testimonial once that said: The level of care I received is incomparable to any other physician. You changed our lives in so many ways—including getting my very skeptical mother on board.

That last part gets me every time.

Because I know that woman. The skeptical mother. The one who is worried, who has questions, who grew up in a world where hospital birth was the only option anyone talked about.

And I know what it means when she comes around.

Not because she was convinced by an argument—but because she saw her daughter supported, informed, and powerful in her birth.

That is the work.

If someone in your life is nervous about your birth choices, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is show up so prepared and so clear that their fear has no room to take hold.

You Do Not Have to Figure This Out Alone

You deserve to enter birth feeling prepared, supported, and powerful.

You deserve care that sees all of you—not just your cervix and your due date.

You deserve to know that your experience matters.

Have Questions? Ask Me Anything.

I am hosting a live Q&A on April 28th at 3pm ET / 2pm CT where you can ask me anything about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

45 minutes. Your questions. Honest answers.

You can submit questions in advance when you register, and if you attend live, you can ask follow-up questions in real time. Cannot make it live? You will get the full recording within 24 hours.

Topics I will cover include:

• How to know if your body can birth your baby

• What early labor really feels like and when to go to the hospital

• How to prepare your partner

• What to expect the first week postpartum

• How to advocate for yourself during birth

• Home birth vs hospital birth decisions

• And whatever else you ask

Cost: $5

GET YOUR TICKET

You deserve honest answers from someone who has been doing this work for decades.

With warmth,
Anne 💜

What No One Fully Explains About the First Week After Birth

When families prepare for birth, most of the focus goes toward labor.

Contractions. Positions. Hospital bags. Birth preferences.

Very little attention is given to what happens after you come home.

And yet, the first week postpartum is one of the most physiologically and emotionally intense transitions a woman will ever move through.

Not because something is wrong. But because everything is shifting at once.

Let's walk through what is actually happening.

The Adrenaline Phase: Why You Might Feel "Fine" At First

Immediately after birth, your body floods with adrenaline.

Relief. Alertness. Accomplishment.

Many women describe feeling surprisingly awake in the first 24 to 48 hours. Even without sleep, they feel wired.

This is not sustainable energy. It is biochemical.

Adrenaline masks exhaustion temporarily. It also masks the emotional recalibration building beneath the surface.

This is why the first couple of days can feel manageable... and then suddenly shift.

The Hormonal Drop: What Happens Around Days Three to Five

Around day three to five postpartum, a massive hormonal shift occurs.

During pregnancy, estrogen and progesterone levels are extraordinarily high. After the placenta is delivered, those levels plummet.

At the same time, prolactin rises sharply and oxytocin surges during feeding.

The combination creates a vulnerable emotional window.

This can look like: unexpected tears, heightened sensitivity, feeling overwhelmed by small decisions, questioning your adequacy.

This is commonly called the "baby blues," but that phrase minimizes what is happening.

This is physiological recalibration.

When women understand this shift ahead of time, they are far less likely to interpret it as personal failure.

Sleep Fragmentation and Nervous System Activation

Sleep in the first week postpartum is rarely restorative.

Even with a calm newborn, sleep becomes short, fragmented, light, hyper-vigilant.

Your nervous system remains on alert. This heightened alertness is protective, but it also increases emotional reactivity.

Sleep fragmentation alone can make minor challenges feel overwhelming.

Understanding this removes shame. You are not "too emotional." You are adapting.

Physical Recovery Is Not Background Noise

While all of this is happening emotionally, your body is also healing.

Your uterus is contracting. Your pelvic floor is recalibrating. Your blood volume is shifting. Your tissues are repairing.

Whether you birthed vaginally or via cesarean, your body has undergone significant work.

Warmth, nourishment, hydration, and rest are not luxuries during this time. They are physiologic necessities.

When we treat postpartum as a time to "bounce back," we work against the body's natural healing process.

The Partner's Role: Environmental Protection

In the first week, the mother's primary work is healing and feeding.

The partner's primary role is environmental protection.

Managing visitors. Preparing food. Ensuring hydration. Protecting sleep windows. Filtering outside pressure.

Many partners want to help but are unsure what actually matters.

When this role is clarified before birth, tension decreases dramatically.

Postpartum is not intuitive. It benefits from conversation and structure.

Why Families Feel Blindsided

The reason so many families feel blindsided is not because the experience is abnormal.

It is because preparation was focused almost exclusively on labor.

When no one explains the hormonal drop, the sleep shifts, the emotional recalibration, and the intensity of healing, mothers assume something is wrong.

Nothing is wrong. This is transition.

The first week is not meant to be productive. It is meant to be quiet, warm, and protected.

Preparation Changes the Experience

Preparation does not eliminate intensity. But it changes interpretation.

When you expect the hormonal shift, you are less afraid of it. When you understand sleep fragmentation, you are less self-critical. When you prioritize nourishment ahead of time, you enter postpartum less depleted.

The first week after birth deserves as much preparation as labor itself.

If You Want Gentle Structure for That Window

I created The First Week After Birth because I have watched too many mothers enter that season without a map.

It walks through: what is physiologically normal, how to structure rest and nourishment, how partners can support effectively, how to protect emotional steadiness, and when to seek help.

It is $17.

And right now, when you buy it, you are automatically entered to win Love Your Birth — my complete birth education program. One family will receive it for free. Winner announced April 2nd.

You deserve preparation for all of birth. Not just labor. All of it.

How Partners Protect the Birth Space

Birth is not only shaped by the body that is laboring.

It is shaped by the space around her.

The tone of voices in the room.

The pace at which decisions are made.

The sense of calm, or urgency, she feels.

One of the most powerful roles a partner can play during birth is not managing labor, fixing discomfort, or making things “go faster.”

It is protecting the birth space.

This kind of support is quiet, steady, and deeply impactful. And when done well, it allows the birthing person’s body to do exactly what it already knows how to do.

Partners as the Bridge

During labor, the birthing person often turns inward. This is natural and necessary. Labor is not a cognitive process. It is hormonal, instinctual, and deeply embodied.

In these moments, partners often become the bridge between:

• The birthing person and care providers

• The birth space and the outside world

• The natural rhythm of labor and external time pressure

This doesn’t mean speaking for the birthing person or overriding anyone. It means helping hold the container so labor can unfold without unnecessary disruption.

Advocacy Is Not Confrontation

Many partners worry that advocacy means being confrontational, argumentative, or “difficult.” This fear can keep people silent even when something doesn’t feel right.

But true advocacy is not aggressive.

It is calm, respectful, and grounded.

Advocacy sounds like:

• “Can we have a few minutes to talk this through?”

• “Is this urgent right now, or do we have time?”

• “Can you help us understand the benefits and risks?”

• “We’d like a moment alone before deciding.”

These simple phrases can dramatically change the tone of the room.

Advocacy is about creating space, not creating conflict.

Asking for Time Is One of the Most Powerful Tools

One of the most common disruptors of physiologic birth is rush.

Rushed conversations.

Rushed decisions.

Rushed interventions.

In most normal labors, there is time.

Partners can gently slow the moment by asking for:

• Time to breathe

• Time to confer privately

• Time to understand options

• Time to let labor continue

When urgency is real, it will be clear.

When it’s not, slowing things down often protects normal labor.

Protecting the Birth Environment

The birth environment matters more than many people realize.

Lighting.

Noise.

Interruptions.

The number of people entering and leaving the room.

Partners can support labor by:

• Dimming lights when possible

• Limiting unnecessary conversation

• Redirecting questions away from the birthing person

• Helping maintain privacy

• Keeping the room calm and quiet

Think of yourself as the keeper of the container.

Your presence communicates safety.

Your steadiness allows her nervous system to soften.

Your calm helps oxytocin flow.

Holding Presence Instead of Fixing

It can be hard to watch someone you love experience intense sensations. The instinct to fix, distract, or make it stop is very human.

But birth often asks something different.

Sometimes the most supportive thing a partner can do is:

1. Stay close

2. Make eye contact

3. Breathe slowly

4. Offer touch when welcomed

5. Say very little

Presence is powerful.

You don’t need to make labor easier.

You need to help her feel not alone.

This Applies in Every Birth Setting

Whether you’re planning:

• A homebirth

• A birth center birth

• A hospital birth

The principles are the same.

Birth works best when the birthing person feels:

• Safe

• Supported

• Unrushed

• Respected

Partners play a crucial role in creating that experience regardless of location.

A Final Word to Partners

You don’t need to be perfect.

You don’t need to know everything.

You don’t need to control the outcome.

Your role is to protect the space, trust the process, and walk beside the person you love with steadiness and care.

That quiet presence matters more than you know.

Final Thoughts

Birth is a team experience.

When partners understand the quiet power they hold to slow things down, ask for clarity, protect the environment, and hold calm presence birth becomes safer, more supported, and more deeply human.

This is advocacy at its best.

Want to Prepare Together for This Role?

In my Love Your Birth Online Course, I guide both birthing people and partners through:

• Understanding normal labor

• Supporting physiologic birth

• Navigating conversations with providers

• Protecting the birth space in any setting

Preparation changes everything not by controlling birth, but by creating the conditions for it to unfold beautifully.

You deserve a birth experience that feels safe, supported, and deeply empowering.

Relationship With Your Partner & Sex Postpartum

Relationship Issues

Having a baby, while associated with immense joy and euphoria, is a major life change for both you and your partner, and can affect you both individually and as a couple. Although it can bring couples much closer than before, postpartum can be challenging for your relationship with your partner, even if it was wonderful before and during pregnancy. And all the more so if there are ongoing difficulties and unresolved issues between you. 

Your partner may be going through a variety of personal emotions, such as:

• Recovering from the intensity of labor and birth

• Questioning their performance and ability to provide sufficient support for you and the new baby

• Fatigue from lack of sleep and doing a lot of extra work around the house

• Struggling with an increased sense of responsibility and finances 

• Anxiety over you and your baby’s well being

• Balancing outside pressures from work 

• Taking care of their own health needs

• Conflict regarding new role as a parent, especially if they had issues with their own parents

• Guilt about not being able to completely fulfill professional responsibilities or meet your physical and emotional needs

It is a time for healing and integration for your partner as well, and they may also feel overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted. Although you need lots of care and support, your partner may also. Tensions can escalate, so be mindful of doing what it takes to minimize or diffuse them. It is important each day to spend even just a few minutes alone to talk, laugh, hug, have a good cry if needed, and let each other know you appreciate and love each other. Individual or couples counseling by a holistic qualified therapist or life coach may be needed down the road, and have helped many adjust to this major life change in healthy transformative ways. 

Postpartum Sex

It is normal to have a decreased interest in sex for several months after having a baby, but once you are ready there are ways to navigate the journey and reclaim your sensual sexual relationship. It is safe to resume sexual intercourse when the vaginal bleeding has stopped, after the perineal area has healed, and after your 5-7 week postpartum checkup is normal.  

Suggestions to make your postpartum sex life better are to:

• Communicate your temporary limitations to your partner. Be honest and tell them how you are feeling.

• Include your partner in the postpartum experience since they often feel left out.

• Until you feel comfortable having intercourse, just cuddle, kiss and spend some sensual, affectionate time together doing recreational activities you enjoy. Focus on the pleasure of being together. 

• Practice mula bandha exercises several times per day to strengthen your pelvic floor.

• When ready to try intercourse, plan a date together with your partner when you expect the baby to be sleeping. Be prepared for occasional interruptions and keep your sense of humor. Remind them to be gentle as it may still be tender inside.

• Use extra lubricant. Explore the various natural scented and unscented sensual massage oils and see which one you like best.  

• Experiment with different positions. Try being on top, or a pillow under your buttocks with you on the bottom for comfort.

• Take Maca powder or capsules to support a healthy stress response, balance hormones and enhance your sex drive

Seek help if the sexual problems between you and your spouse run deeper than this, if you have worsening pain during sex, or if your discomfort or lack of sexual desire or feelings do not resolve over the next few months. Remember that if you are interested in preventing another pregnancy at this time, or if you feel that you cannot handle having another baby so soon after this one, do not resume intercourse until you have discussed contraceptive options with your practitioner. Whether or not you are breastfeeding, you can become pregnant as early as five weeks postpartum.

As always, if you need more personalized support and guidance, schedule a chat with me so I can advise you about the best supplements, remedies and dosages specific to your situation.

With care,
Anne 🩷

Meditation, Breathwork, and Visualization: Tools for Childbirth and Stress

Here are a few meditative breathwork and visualization techniques you can practice regularly in pregnancy or anytime really, so that you are more prepared and empowered, and can more easily do them in labor and during any life challenge.

How do I get started?

Meditation

Begin meditating by finding a quiet place where you will not be disturbed, set an alarm with a soothing sound, for 2 or 3 minutes. Sit tall or lay down comfortably, softly close your eyes and turn your attention inward. During this time, allow yourself to just BE and breathe, and rest in peaceful stillness without having to DO anything. Allow your mind to be totally immersed in the process of breathing and being. Bring awareness and acceptance not only to your breathing, but also the sensations you notice and feel in your body. If a thought or emotion comes, notice, allow, let it be or go, and settle back into your breathing. This is a conscious training of your mind, and like any muscle, requires regular practice. It is an ongoing practice, that changes and evolves as you change and grow. There is no need to control anything. It is kind of like surrendering, letting go to whatever you experience in your mind, body, heart and spirit – without any interpretation, judgment, reaction or need to fix anything.  Simply watch what is happening within, as a detached witness. This enables you to be mindful in the now, the only place where your life is happening, and is a wonderful way to become present, out of your busy thinking mind, relax and connect more deeply to yourself and your baby. Staying aware, calm and present are key to an easier labor and life.

Another form of mediation involves a conscious effort to completely focus your mind’s attention on something specific. As above, set a soothing alarm for a few minutes, take a few moments to get into your meditative state. Then do one of the following and vary it up each time until are see which ones resonate most with you to practice regularly, so you have a variety to choose from that work best for you at the time. This could be gazing at simple object like a candle, towards the tip of your nose or the space between your eyebrows (even if you can not see it with your eyes), the horizon or a beautiful natural scene; listening to repetitive simple sounds in nature like ocean waves, rain, a flowing stream, relaxing chimes or for example Gregorian chants; engaging in something that requires complete attention and immersion like yoga or creative expression; doing rhythmic repeated movement like dance, walking mindfully or touching the tips of your fingers in sequence, using objects like mala beads, touching each one while reciting or singing a mantra or yoga sutra; saying chakra syllables, mantras, or simple affirmative words or sounds like “AhhhhhOmmmmmm” , “Shhhhhhhh”,  “Release”, “Open” ,“Let Go” ,  etc.

Breathwork  

To practice, sit tall with your buttocks perched up on two folded blankets, against the wall or back of a chair; or lay down on a comfortable flat surface without falling asleep, (but once you hone these skills you can do them anywhere); close your eyes softly, and try each technique for a few minutes. Notice how you feel as you relax into these practices. You might like them so much you will continue for longer.

1)      Simply watch the details of your breath without fixing them – notice the inhale, and exhale, the rise and fall of your chest and belly, the coolness of the air going in, and the warmth of the air going out, and any other associated details.

2)      Place one hand on your belly and breathe into your hand, notice the expansion of your belly into your hand and lower back into the surface behind or beneath it for a minute; then place your hands around your lower ribs and breathe into your hands, notice the ribs expand out to the side into your hands for a minute; then place a hand on your chest and notice the rise of your chest into your hand, and the expansion of your upper back into the surface behind or beneath you for a minute. With your hands by your sides, draw your breath deep down towards expanding your pelvic floor and inflating your entire torso like a balloon with each inhale, then release even deeper on each exhale as you empty your body of breath. Keep it smooth, fluid and even, for a minute or longer.

3)      Breathe in a one to one ratio - count to three as you inhale, then count to three as you exhale. With practice, you can increase the ratio increments to 4:4, 5:5 or 6:6. Try holding for one count between each inhale and exhale and inhale again. Notice that stillness in between inhalation and exhalation.

4)      Practice Ujjai breathing. This is a wonderful natural tranquilizer and awesome for yoga, deep relaxation and labor. Breathe at the pace and depth that feels right for you, but by inhaling through your mouth or nose, directing the breath into the back of your throat which makes a sound like ocean waves (it is a calm, slow, and smooth circular version of gasping on inhale and fogging a mirror on exhale).

5)      Do alternate nostril breathing at a pace and depth that is comfortable -  this is also extremely calming. Place your hand, fingers facing down, above the roof of your nose. Inhale, then occlude your right nostril with your thumb and exhale through the left nostril, then inhale through the left nostril. Take your thumb off your right nostril, occlude your left nostril with your ring and middle finger and exhale through your right nostril. Inhale through your right nostril then take your fingers off your left nostril for exhale. Repeat this cycle for at least a minute. If your nose is stuffed, you can visualize or imagine breathing in this way.

Visualization

In a meditative state, while breathing at a pace and depth that feels most calming for you, you can incorporate a visualization, unique to what you need at that moment. These are only a few examples, that have helped many mamas. As with the breathwork, experiment, sit with each one for a few minutes, see what resonates most, then incorporate a few you like best, into your regular practice, so that you have several to choose from when you need them.  

1) You can visualize and literally direct your breath, the life force, to areas of need, intense sensation and discomfort. You can direct your breath in various directions to achieve different results.

2) To connect with your baby, you can dwell on your feeling of love for your baby.  When breathing, you can imagine that feeling to grow and expand, as you imagine your inhale going right to your heart center, and then on exhale, imagine sending that breath, that feeling of love energy directly to your baby, surrounding your baby.  You can give the energy a color if you want. Imagine your baby smiling and basking in the love you are sending, and then visualize a direct impenetrable line of light, color or energy connecting your heart with your baby, like a phone line, always available for connection.

3) To feel grounded, if seated, imagine roots extending from all points of contact between you and the surface beneath you, extending deep down into the earth center. Inhale breath from your crown, and exhale directing your breath down your spine, and out through the roots, which draw you further down and heavy. Each exhale your breath extends out through the roots, growing them even further down and spreading out into the earth beneath you. If you are lying down, imagine the breath coming in through the front of your body, and exhale out the back of your body, with the same root visual. Feel the pull of gravity down, as the roots wrap around you and hold you secure. Inhale deep into your core, where there is an eternal candle flame, and on exhale spread that fire to fill your heart, abdomen and pelvis, and repeat breathing with this visual.

4) To feel centered, imagine a straight sparkling rod of steel, diamond or golden light extending deep into the earth center, running up your spine, from your sacrum to your crown, and up into the infinite space above.  If you are interested in the chakras, see and sense the circular vortexes of energy in their colors around and up your body’s center, from the red at your root, then orange at you pelvic area, yellow at your solar plexus, green at your heart space, turquoise at your throat, indigo between your eyebrows, golden white at your crown just above your head.

5) To feel protected, visualize inhaling a spiritual, healing energy, light or color from your crown, and exhale directing your breath, that energy, light or color to fill your entire body, head to toe and completely surround you like a fortress or eternal spiritual bubble that can not be broken. Sit in that visual so that you see it, feel it, sense it, know it.

6) To feel cleansed, inhale from top to bottom or from front to back, a healing color, spiritual energy, or white/golden light filling your body. If you are carrying around anger and rage, for example, exhale all the red fire and loud screams out of your back or any points of contact between you and the ground. If you have sadness, grief or despair about something, use the visual of a powerful waterfall or fire hose of tears forcefully exiting your body on exhale. If you have blocks or baggage that weigh you down, use the visual of multiple bricks and heavy rocks exiting your body on exhale. For release of all negativity, toxins, beliefs and habits not serving you, use the visual of black smoke exiting your body on exhale. Or come up with your own visuals that resonate more with you.

6) To feel strong and magnificent, sit tall with the visual of a huge radiating sun, the eternal light of your spirit filling your heart center, big and huge, extending out in all directions.

7) To feel calm and blissful, imagine yourself in your happy place in all its detail. What does it look like, feel like, sound like, smell like, taste like. Let those feelings take over. Many tend to visualize themselves in a tropical paradise, by the sea, in the mountains, in a cave, floating on a cloud in a blue sky of beauty, by a lake or in the stillness of the forest. Or, imagine yourself so relaxed, that you are like a sleeping cat, a napping dog, or like a rag doll – totally surrendered, limp and released without ANY muscle tension. See any residual tension melt completely, as a tiny piece of ice quickly becomes water on exposure to heat, and watch that water flow down and away from your body.

8) Specifically for labor, there are some common ones that many mamas like to use. Often it helps a mama during childbirth to visualize the waves of the rise and fall of the sensations of labor, like the rise and fall of the waves of the ocean that rise and fall, and come and go. Others like to imagine the surges to be hugs to the baby. It also helps mamas to visualize the cervix, the tightly closed, long, thick and firm entrance to the uterus during labor, and the birth canal and the perineum during pushing, to soften and open like a rose bud blossoms into a flower.  The ring of fire commonly referred to when the baby crowns, can be seen as the ring of flowers, or one big opening lotus or rose flower.

What matters is that whatever you are visualizing, comforts and helps you. Through taking responsibility for your own state of mind and well being, by daily practice of meditation, breathwork and visualization, you are empowering yourself with tools for labor and life’s challenges, and helping yourself tremendously. They can make you feel like an active participant in your pregnancy, childbirth and life experiences –  labor and life are not just happening to powerless you; you are present within it, working with it, helping it along, taking positive steps to do what you can to bring your baby into the world with more ease and cope most effectively with whatever comes your way.